1.
It all began when they introduced a new robot to the military. The new robot was impeccable and could certainly replace any soldier. However, it needed people to augment it. A big presentation was given to the soldiers in batches. " The new robot is not going to replace you but you will augment it." The bald colonel said.

A new soldier just joined the regiment. He was not aware of this development. In fact, he was trained for something entirely different. He was told a lot of things. "The military never lies." His mother had told him. However, he realized his mother is a liar.

2.

"The new robot is not going to replace you." the short colonel explained.

"But sir!" said the soldier, " isn't The new robot better at sitting in the trenches?"

" Yes."

"Isn't it more accurate, faster, and it never gets tired?"

"Yes."

"Doesn't the new robot learn and relearn on its own, has all the knowledge of war, history of war and whatever data you feed it?"

" Yes, Yes. What's your point?"

" The point, sir." The soldier took a long pause assessing his chances of getting court-martialed. "if it is indeed better, faster, and more accurate and it can minimize the chances of error, wouldn't it make a whole lot more sense to replace us with it so that it increases your chance of winning the war."

"But that is not the point." The colonel replied. " it lacks the human touch" the short colonel took a long pause. " and that is not all. It is even significantly harder to justify all the rations, budget, tax exemptions, and construction from the administration if we simply cut you off."

"Does that mean our duties decrease with it?"

"No, You work exactly the same. It just means now you are easily expendable and you get paid less. You may even have to work more."

" That hardly seems fair."

" Look. You guys have to be prepared to accept the changes in policy. The competition is rough out there and insubordination is the last thing we want to deal with."

3.

The newly recruited soldier left the office with the sheer fear of being useless in near future and there is nothing he could do about it. He was not certain about why he had joined the military in the first place. He can however remember that there was a general declaration that whoever would join the military would receive a handsome amount of allowance during the training. It was a hasty decision but a good one for the time being. "I can serve for a couple of years and then come back to the farm with some money," he thought. He was not prepared for the drastic policy changes that would soon follow the military.

The military did provide immense benefits, at least once. He was promised that he would receive a one-time bonus if he works for more than 3 years, he could leave the trenches after 6 hours of work if there is no enemy fire. He was also promised quality food and a relaxed environment. However, the advent of new robots along with other nations' implementation of their version seemed to make the colonels and the lieutenant general make necessary changes.

4.

All men shall be present in the trenches for 9 hours. It is mandatory and whoever is not present shall have their leave adjusted. The general proclaimed the very next day. Everyone started questioning the efficacy of such practice. The soldier was dumbfounded by the proclamation. "For what godforsaken reason. They need 9 hours even though there is nothing to do?" The soldier asked one of his mates. The threat of boredom was more excruciating than the threat of work.

"The short colonel likes boys. Especially young boys. So many young boys in the PT ground makes him extraordinarily happy." His mate responded.

He was once again called to the office someday later. He was told to be in two trenches at the same time.

"Sir, with all due respect. There are plenty of cadets lying around the entire day. You could use them as well."

" And yet I do not want to pay them for extra service. Since I pay you can do it."

"Sir, again, with all due respect, it is impossible to be in two trenches at the same time."

"We will provide all the necessary help and logistics."

No help ever came. The soldier began rotating between the trenches. He used to be in the trenches 5 days a week. And when he was assigned to HQ duties he was sent to another trench or a newer bunker.

The Soldier returned to his tent sadder than he left when his mate asked him, " what happened."

The soldier replied, " What do you know about the colonel? I mean why is he like that? Why is my increment stuck, my hours extended, why do I have to be in two trenches? Why does he not ever reason?"

"He was bullied by his classmates and beaten by his mother and he had an absent father."

The soldier did not further ask any more questions. He had extreme empathy for people with difficult childhoods. Especially those who were bullied, beaten by their mother and had an absent father.

5.

Some days into the war the colonel came up and decided to call the mechanized brigade "APC ninjas" and he named the infantry "Dynamite foot soldiers". The soldier was astounded to find himself amongst such groups. "Were the division names not enough." he asked his mate.

"Yes, but the colonel had a bad childhood and his mother beat him and his friends bullied him."

The soldier did not feel good at the barracks. In fact, he missed home more than anything. However, he decided to wait out the war. "I am in the trenches and with the artillery." he thought. "Safely guarded from the fronts. The sandbags will stop the bullets. The trenches will save me from the enemy's artillery and I will shoot when needed. It is far better than being in the frontline operations."

In a few days, there arrived another proclamation of submitting yet another form for schedule for duties. "Why are there more forms than bullets?" he asked his mate.

"The short colonel likes paper, he uses two whole boxes at night for some reason."

He always had a disliking for the colonel as he was short, bald, and had Napoleon complex. "Never trust a short and bald man" his mother had told him when he was young.

The days of unspeakable labour went on. The soldier was quite accustomed with the work by then. Despite the despicable names, confusing policies, occasional catch-22's from the bald and short colonel, the work was simple enough that it did not bother the private. Although, he was once asked, "why do you require leave for your wife's labour, you ain't gonna deliver the child anyways!"

To which he replied, "Sir, it's my first child."

"But we need to find someone to replace you in the trenches. Also, you do know the criteria for your promotion depends on you not taking leaves!"

" Aren't the leaves government mandated?"

"Yes they are. However, we need to find your replacement first."

"Do the HQ never plan for the sudden leaves, You could hire some troops as a reserve maybe?"

"You cannot be this frustrated with your superior's decision. We are here for a reason." He proceeded to give no reason.

6.

The soldier asked his mate, " why are they here?"

" They can't work anywhere else. The short-bald colonel is a certified imbecile and the other one is a certified asshole."

" Is that official?"

"No, the general calls them that in the annual meetings."

" Besides, the short-bald man was once a soldier. An average one. He was the shiniest example of mediocrity."

"What?"

"Yes, the only way to get ahead administratively here is to be mediocre. Not better, not above-average. You have to be the world's most mediocre man in everything. Your shooting has to suck, your driving has to be barely functional, your recon has to be unreliable. Only then and only then, you will have enough time to visit the general's quarter.

If you are a better shot, you will be promoted to train the infantry. If you are a good driver, you will train the infantry or look after them. But you will not be an administrator of the highest order. To be that, utter incompetence is the only way. Or maybe have a richer father."

"What do they do in the General's quarter"

"Not sure."

7.

Every month there would be a meeting where the colonel, full of himself, explained everything in detail in a foreign language. Nobody made him do it. The soldier's mate has once told him that the colonel likes to hear himself speak. The meeting's invitation came in within a "mandatory envelope" Anything within the mandatory envelope was mandatory regardless of its content. No matter how illogical timing, no matter how late one was guarding the post, he had to be there. However, nothing came within any other envelope. The soldiers began wondering whether there were any other envelopes at all. Nobody could understand why the colonel's monthly eulogy towards the general needs to be mandatory.

In the new meeting they changed the leave policy. It was proclaimed that no person can take more than 2 leaves per month. They also introduced new policies that you have to be in the trenches for the entire time with minimal break. "What if somebody needs to use the toilets?" someone asked. He was taken away.

Each soldier was carefully monitored by the corresponding captain. The colonel also introduced rating points to monitor the soldiers. Any soldier who had taken leaves will have points slashed. Any soldier who yawned during the watch also had his points slashed. Anyone who had more minutes to have his lunch had his point slashed as well.

In the same meeting the colonel brought up a chart from unexplained sources as he always liked charts and numbers. He started with saying, "the people are getting less sick. They have taken fewer sick leaves than before this month. Someone murmured, " yes, cause the leaves are reduced, you deepshit." He might have said it a bit louder than he would have liked, he was taken away.

8.

The meeting went on for quite some hours as all the colonel needed their turn to speak. Nevertheless, the short one came back again. He said, all of you are doing very well. All of you are in the trenches for the designated time. However, we are seeing that a considerable amount of you are not peeking enough. You need to peek 90% of the time. Otherwise, you may incur penalties as you are not being utilized enough.

The soldier did not understand at all. If there is nothing to peek at. Why would we peek? He finally gathered some courage and asked, " Sir, Nobody can peek 90% of the time. Even the banks have long hours with few customers."

His hours were reviewed and he was told that not only did he not peeked enough he had taken a bit more bathroom breaks and cigarette breaks. " I shot at anything that moved any time it moved. I was in the trench area ready to respond anytime. It's not like I was at home doing bugger. If there are no enemies, what am I supposed to do?" His reason was not satisfactory and although he had one of the highest confirmed kills, his leaves were cut.

"He was told, you should have asked for more enemies, your captain would have given you a new post."

"To coordinate with recon and other soldiers for another spot every time I have a short break is a nightmare, and what if new enemies pop up on my side that time."

"You shoot at them."

"How? Am I not in the middle of briefing from the recon for another spot?"

" You shoot them both at the same time."

"The only soldier utilized 90% of the time is the one with bad aim." The soldier murmured. The soldier with the bad aim was promoted sometime after to be colonel's aide.

9.

"When the colonel was a private there used to be more relaxed regulations." The soldier's mate said. "He was one of the boys. He used to go to his barracks after 6 hours as well."

"What happened to him now?"

"He became a colonel. Besides, it is hard for a short man to be arrogant. He was arrogant."

"If he had all the amenities himself, isn't it hypocritical? Why does he not listen to anyone."

"Because he became a colonel, my friend. Being a colonel does this to people. Stay for a while you will know."

10.

He decided to leave the army. "This is getting on my nerves, " he thought. He submitted his resignation to the colonel rather respectfully. He wrote in gist that he has learned a lot and would like to explore other avenues in life. The colonel called him into the office.

The colonel said, "Why do you want to leave?"

"I have lost interest. I want to do something else." he replied.

" Well, you have 5 months left of your contract. We will not accept this resignation and will not release you. Plus your salary is cut 50% henceforth."

The soldier's mate told him that anyone who submitted a resignation had insubordination cases against him. The colonel does not give papers back. Most men just become AWOL. .

Facing the colonel, the soldier told, "Sir, with all due respect, you have not given me anything the organization has promised me. In fact, most of the opposite have happened. You can respectfully fuck off. Your exorbitant demands cannot be met by anyone." He was about to make a scene.

The colonel had a smirk on his face when he told him, " But you see, that is the point. We make the criterias so high that no one can actually meet them. Nobody in their right mind would be able to live on so few leaves, peeking from trenches 90% of the time, and attend all the mandatory meetings, except for maybe a few. Therefore, in all technicalities most are not good enough for anything we offer them. Hence, whatever we are giving you, is not what you have earned but what we have given you out of our own goodwill. According to us, and the people above, you all are a little ungrateful, unionizing maggots, not good for anything and very hard to deal with.

He was taken out of the room by 3 captains. He had an epiphany while being carried away. He came back to the barracks and never went back to the trenches. His resignation was not accepted. He could never work anywhere else, and he was fine with it. He went AWOL. While on the boat, he saw other men with similar buzz-cut. " What happened to you?" he asked one of them.
"Our colonel did not accept our resignation, now nobody hires us."
He wondered how many colonels exists there.